Christian Counseling

Christian counseling can help a divorced woman take a proactive role in building her new life. But how does someone find a good counselor? Make the most of their time together? And sort the wheat from the chaff? I caught up with Parvine MacDonald, a popular family therapist who practices in Wheaton Illinois to find out.

To help you decide what’s needed in your life, I asked Parvine the following questions:

1. How do I know when I might need professional help?

Uh-oh. That sounds like I might qualify! How much of that is considered normal, even part of aging?

Well, when you look at the big picture and you’re falling apart a lot,simple things reduce you to tears,everyday problems feel overwhelming, or life just seems like too much to handle, those things add up. Crying and grieving are to be expected, but when it interferes with your ability to manage your life, it’s time to seek help and even consider counseling.

What other signs should women should be aware of?

If sleeping is way different than it used to be, that's one. Maybe you’re not falling asleep as easily or you’re waking up at night and not being able to get back to sleep. Gaining or losing a significant amount of weight is pretty common. So is compulsive overeating or overspending. If you can’t believe you’re blowing up over things you used to be able to handle,notice that,too.

It’s not always an emotional sign. Sometimes women see a repetitive pattern they know they need to break. They come in for Christian counseling because they want to explore ways to change their future relationships. And sometimes it’s just one area they need help with—-like figuring out how to interact appropriately with their ex-spouse over their kid’s issues. They want life to be workable, not so traumatic.

2.What can I expect to happen at counseling?

Isn’t that a little intimidating, to say that to a counselor?

Counseling is a relationship, and you need to feel comfortable and understood if it’s going to work. A woman needs to know, especially when she’s in a vulnerable position, that she can say she’s uncomfortable with it and not think “Oh well, I’m uncomfortable, but I guess I have to keep going.”

Speaking of having to keep going, how is that determined? Does a counselor say, “O.K. You're done. You really don’t need to see me any more?”

It’s really up to the woman to decide how long she wants to continue, as well as how active and direct she wants the counselor to be with her. Her needs may change as the process goes along, so it’s really up to her to decide if it’s still helpful.

3. Should I only look for Christian counseling?

So how does someone find a good counselor if they're not locked into only Christian Counseling?

A good referral is helpful, especially if it’s from someone who has dealt with your same issues. Like doctors, counselors often specialize, so you should look for one who specializes in your issues. They’ll have learned a lot from experience and they know best the resources available in your area. Besides that, pray, pray, pray.

4. What are the signs I might need medication and what are my options?

What are the most common symptoms medication helps alleviate?

Medication can relieve frequent tearfulness, low motivation, low energy, sleeplessness, depression, or feelings of anxiety or panic. It can even help with memory trouble, or obsessive thoughts (consuming thoughts about anger, worry, or woundedness).

There’s a lot of antidepressants to choose from. In the SSRIs category, or Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, you’ve probably heard of Prozac, and Zoloft. Other members of this class of drugs are Paxil, Luvox and Celexa. All of them have the same basic mechanism of action but they have slight differences in the way they work, and, as a result, differ in the side effects they produce. They're equally effective in the treatment of depression, though. Other drugs, like Wellbutrin, a non SSRI, address anxiety, too.

Often the biggest determining factor is a drug’s side effects. It’s a very individual thing. Just because your friend did great on one medication, doesn’t mean you will. It very much depends on your body. The same goes for the dosage. What might knock your friend out for a week, may hardly effect you.

So how do women know what to take?

It’s really something they need to discuss with their doctor. It’s important not to give up if the first one doesn’t work. Give it a chance. Some medications take a few weeks to take full effect. On the other hand, you know what you can live with and what you can’t so you need to be the one who says “If I have to stay on this, I’ll go crazy.”

Is there anything you'd like to say about Christian counseling or tell women recovering from divorce or a stressful time before we close?

It’s sad when people who could really use a drug don’t take advantage of it simply because of a stigma. It’s not a character defect to need medication. Women need to see their brain as a body organ, too.

That’s all we had time for. If you’d like to go a bit deeper, check out these Christian Counseling books:
Healing for Damaged Emotions by David Seamands
Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb
Living from the Heart that Jesus Gave You by James G. Friesen

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