Divorce List for Christian Women

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Divorce List for Christian Women

10 Things I Wish Christians Knew About a Divorced Woman

I didn't sit down to make a divorce list that I wished every Christian could understand. (I'm not that beligerant.)But I had heard about a list made by a friend who lost her child to sudden heart failure. She wanted others who had never experienced such tragedy to know what she needed most, so she compiled a list. I liked her idea, and tailored the idea to Christians. They're often the people who want to support us, but really don't understand what divorced women need most. Feel free to contact me to copy it or use it to make your own divorce list. It's been an eye opener that people have thanked me for sharing with them.

I want Christians to know:

1. It takes 2 people to make a marriage work. Just because I’m divorced doesn’t mean I didn’t do everything in my power to save my marriage.

2. My marriage was not doomed by some sort of fatal flaw in me, so please stop looking for one. Divorce is a heavy enough burden to bear without adding shame to the load.

3. I did not suddenly want to be with only single women all the time. I value men’s input, and need to witness healthy marriages to heal. My grief is compounded when I’m excluded from groups and friends simply because I’m divorced.

4. I define myself by more than my marital status. I’m also a mom, a reader, a choir member, writer, health-nut, home-owner, dog-lover, friend, and worshiper. Please don’t think you have nothing in common with me just because I’m divorced.

5. I do not need to hear another Bible verse. I need acceptance from people who will affirm my worth and give me a place to belong. Please allow me to be where I’m at even if it makes you uncomfortable.

6. There is no set time when I will be “over it.” Healing needs to happen on many levels. I have to double back through my deepest wounds often to learn new responses. That doesn’t mean, however, that I’m not making progress.

7. Not everything about my ex spouse is bad. Please don’t make a future positive relationship between him and my kids any harder for me by making derogatory remarks about him.

8. I need friends who will be sounding boards to help me think through decisions about my home, career and parenting. I do not need people to tell me what I “should” do or what they would do if they were in my shoes. That only undermines my already fragile self-confidence.

9. If you really want to help me, encourage my children to honor their mother. I take responsibility for being honor-worthy, but on Mother’s Day, my birthday and Christmas my kids could use an extra push in the right direction.

10. I have a lot to offer. The lessons I’ve learned through divorce would probably bless anyone who got to know me. Yes, I’ve been wounded and need the church, but I’ve also discovered that the church needs me just as much.