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The Best
Divorce Books
These aren't just good divorce books. They're great ones! Like power bars for the soul, they inspire us to go places we could not have gone without them. Since most of us don't have a lot of free time for reading, I've read and reviewed them for you, hoping you'll find exactly the one you need most today.
These are the divorce books that sustained me through the roughest parts of my journey. They’re honest, authentic, gritty and inspiring. But I have to confess, they're not just about divorce; they're about real life issues, often those that divorced women must deal with.
If you feel yourself hungering for more than a review, check them out (literally: call your local library and check them out.) I’ve been amazed at what librarians can find for me! You’ll know before the first chapter ends whether you need to invest in your own copy.
If, like me, you have a hard time resisting the urge to underline and write every which way in the margins, check out the great used book prices at Amazon.com. (‘Cuz sometimes, you just gotta have your own.) You can go to Amazon by clicking on any of the Honor System boxes throughout these book reviews.
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Divorce Books That Will Take You Beyond Recovery
Book Review for: The Way of Transition
by William Bridges.You won't find this with the other divorce books at the library. That's because the author writes this after losing his wife to cancer. But his overwhelming feelings of being lost as he tries to decipher, “now what?” resonated with my own reality after divorce. Instead of panicking, trying to fill the void, he showed me how to embrace it and in so doing, create choices that previously didn’t even exist.
This book is for you if, like me, you obsess over finding answers, and forcing "safe" outcomes. Filtering its truth through my own faith, I began asking myself, “What if I lived as if the burden of making my new life rested on God’s shoulders and I believed that he was sending me everything I needed to live it? What if I rested in the assurance that my job was only to be aware, embrace, and follow his lead?" Those questions lifted the overwhelming pressure I felt more than many divorce books I'd read.
Favorite quote: (There were hundreds to choose from!) “The one thing they agreed on was that it was especially hard to let go when you don’t know what was going to come next. . . I knew that dealing successfully with transition was going to require me to accept uncertainty as my new reality. ” (p.69)
No kidding!
Book Review for: God’s Leading Lady by T.D. Jakes.
My first experience with T.D. Jakes was at a Willow Creek Leadership summit in August 2004. He spoke the words my heart longed to hear. “God wants you to have influence where you are by being who you are.” Jakes honors women. He probably didn't intend to write divorce books, but he sure encouraged me after my divorce to emerge as who God made me to be.
That spirit comes across on every page of “God’s Leading Lady” as Jakes encourages women to pursue God’s call to greatness. You need this book if you’ve ever been shamed for dreaming big (“Who do you think you are???”), or taught that humility meant settling for less. Reading it, you’ll see how the foundation for greatness is laid when you love and respect yourself. (If that doesn't belong among divorce books, I don't know what does!)
Favorite quote: All women have the potential to be one of God’s Leading Ladies, to move beyond the edges of the stage where they have watched life’s drama unfold before them, and to stride into center stage and fulfill the role of a lifetime.”
Book Review for: Safe People
by Cloud and Townsend.
This was the first of many divorce books I read. The wounds inflicted by divorce left me less trustful of others and less trustful of my own perceptions and ability to judge others' character. It didn’t take long to see that by seeking safety in isolation, my world was becoming very small.
It’s true that the world is full of unsafe people, but Cloud and Townsend showed me how to identify them. Then they went one better and showed me how to stop attracting them into my life. (Yikes! I didn't even know I was doing that!)
This is a must-read among divorce books. If you’re burying your need to connect with others in favor of not being hurt again, it will give you tools to learn how to avoid unhealthy relationships and create positive, new relationship patterns.
Favorite quote: “Make friends with your needs. Welcome them. They are a gift from God, designed to draw you into relationship with him and with his safe people. Your needs are the cure to the sin of self-sufficiency.” (p.67)
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Book Review for: Boundaries in Dating
by Cloud and Townsend.I bought this book right after my divorce was final, back when I thought I’d be dating again just like I did in college. Even though the dates haven’t materialized, I love this book! (So much, in fact, that I made it required reading for my sons before they were allowed to ask a girl out. Of course that included writing a 250-word essay on it, too. Get this--my eldest son thought it was so good he wrote a 500 word essay! Need I say more?)
Though not technically in the divorce books section either, the writers address real issues of trust, responsibility and decision-making from a thoroughly Christian point of view. Every theme has real life examples and stories of people who needed to learn how to either get along or get away. You can’t miss the main points because every chapter ends with “Take-away tips” summarizing them for you. This is just a great book. If you’ve ever had a relationship go south and wondered, “How did I get here?”, it will encourage you to see the root issues that need to be addressed so you can get beyond repeating them.
Favorite quote: “In a chapter about honesty, it is really important to remember that you will have a good relationship to the degree that you are able to be clear and honest about everything.”
Book Review for: How to Find the Work You Love
by Laurence G. Boldt. If there’s one thing I want to get better at, it’s living up to my potential. This book helped me figure out what exactly that might look like and even helped me believe that I deserved to live it. Since I basically had very few money-making skills at the time of my divorce, I read everything I could to help me launch a career. Post divorce books like “What Should I Do with My Life?” were more entertaining than helpful. (Although if you just want a good read and a book jacket that’s easy on the eyes, Po Bronson’s the man. Other books, like “Brand Yourself”, tried too hard to be helpful. I felt uncomfortable focusing on image, packaging and self-promotion. But this book, How to Find the Work You Love, was just right.
If you can take the time to work your way through it prayerfully, you’ll have a much better chance of finding your niche in the world. On one page I wrote the prayer I still pray often: “God, clarify my unique purpose. Give me the creative energy to pursue it, and help me believe that I can.”
Favorite quote: “It may be useful to consider the envy we feel toward the accomplishments of others. For accomplishments are the result of effort, and we are always in control of the effort we make. Even for those with extraordinary talents, great accomplishment comes as the result of great effort. As Michelangelo said, ‘If people knew how hard I worked to get my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful after all.’”
Book Review for: Inside Every Woman by Vicki L. Milazzo.I admit it: God put the heart of a leader in me and I cannot quell my desire to make that happen. I crave successful female role models, women who stepped off the beaten path to be the best at what God created them to be. So when I saw the ad for this book I ordered a copy before it even hit the stores. Why? Because I want to know: What does it look like for a woman to succeed? Does she have to kill her femininity to do so? (I hadn't found any "divorce books" that addressed this as well as Milazzo did.)
This book capitalizes on women's strengths and abilities, like vision, intuition, and agility. Milazzo balances that with women's need to nurture and renew themselves. She writes with enthusiasm and practicality from the business savy experiences that have taught her the most. If God put the heart of a leader in you, give other divorce books a rest. I think you'll like this book!
Favorite quote: Under the heading "Break the 'feel-good' addiction"(p.66): "In today's world we're constantly sabotaged by nonproductive energy wasters that do nothing substantial for our future success. Because we like to feel good, many of us are addicted to majoring in minor accomplishments--answering e-mail, straightening, organizing and reorganizing. By majoring in minor things, we never get to our big commitments."
Book Review for: When the Heart Waits
by Sue Monk Kidd If you have any inclination to understand how you’re wired and live from that deepest sense of yourself, you’ll LOVE this book. Peppered with quotes from great thinkers such as Thomas Merton, Henri Nouwen, Soren Kierkegaard, Julian of Norwich, Paul Tournier, C.G. Jung and others, Kidd takes us on her intensely personal journey from mid-life despair to becoming a new self. Put other divorce books aside if you haven't read this. You won't find formula answers, only the courage to strip off the masks, follow the questions and surrender to the adventure of becoming real.
Favorite quote: “The emphasis isn’t on what we’re doing but on what God is doing. We don’t heal, transform, or create ourselves. We posture ourselves in ways that allow God to heal, transform and create us. . . .Our part is to learn to sit, yielding to God’s activity in us, opening ourselves to divine prayer. . . Ultimately, waiting is letting God be God.”
I will continue to add more divorce books and their reviews to this site. So keep coming back here! And if you found a favorite one, contact me to consider adding it to this site. Just remember, only the best divorce books make it!
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